Anyone familiar with BYU-Idaho knows its stereotype – the couples who meet, get engaged, and are married all within 3 months. It’s one of those whirlwind romances that we see in chick flicks all the time. But does that stuff actually work in the long run? How do we even find “the one”?
There are three main Rules of Attraction – things that make us pay attention to someone and filter out the others. The first is what? You probably guessed physical appearance. Nope! It’s location location location. You have to actually be able to meet the person, which means being near them is helpful. However, the second rule IS physical appearance. I would love for you to comment below about what you find attractive in someone and why! You can often tell a lot about a person by how they look. But of course you can’t learn everything that way. Number three is similarities. It’s true – we are attracted to people who are similar to us! “But what about opposites attract?” you may be asking. The ways we are opposite can often be attractive, but in the long run those opposites tend to cause annoyance and conflict. It’s just plain easier to get along with someone who is more like you.
Cool, so you’ve met someone who you want to get to know more. Now what? A lot of people jump straight to being boyfriend/girlfriend and making out all the time. But what does that actually teach you about a person? If they are a good kisser? Before you get all crazy and pop out the engagement ring, you need to get to know your crush.
In his book “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”, John Van Epp lays out the “Know-Quo” – three T’s that you need in order to really know someone. The first is Togetherness. You have to get to know each other in a variety of circumstances and activities. The second is Time. Van Epp claims that you really can’t know someone in less than 3 months and practically begs everyone to date longer than that. Dating for less than 3 months makes the marriage transition a lot harder because suddenly there will be a lot more surprises that may not all be pleasant. (Now for all you "BYU- I do" couples who are getting your feathers ruffled – I’m not saying it can’t work if you’ve known each other less than 3 months. I’m just saying it’s harder.) The third T is Talk. “Happy talking, talking. Happy talk. Talk about things you like to do…” If anyone remembers the musical South Pacific you know what I’m talking about. This might be the scariest T. You both have to lay yourselves out on the table – thoughts, feelings, opinions, experiences, goals, dreams, fears, weaknesses. No pressure right?
What I think it really comes down to is the saying “Marry your best friend.” If they haven’t become your best friend yet, then it’s not time yet. Good luck friends. Go fall in love :)
There are three main Rules of Attraction – things that make us pay attention to someone and filter out the others. The first is what? You probably guessed physical appearance. Nope! It’s location location location. You have to actually be able to meet the person, which means being near them is helpful. However, the second rule IS physical appearance. I would love for you to comment below about what you find attractive in someone and why! You can often tell a lot about a person by how they look. But of course you can’t learn everything that way. Number three is similarities. It’s true – we are attracted to people who are similar to us! “But what about opposites attract?” you may be asking. The ways we are opposite can often be attractive, but in the long run those opposites tend to cause annoyance and conflict. It’s just plain easier to get along with someone who is more like you.
Cool, so you’ve met someone who you want to get to know more. Now what? A lot of people jump straight to being boyfriend/girlfriend and making out all the time. But what does that actually teach you about a person? If they are a good kisser? Before you get all crazy and pop out the engagement ring, you need to get to know your crush.
In his book “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”, John Van Epp lays out the “Know-Quo” – three T’s that you need in order to really know someone. The first is Togetherness. You have to get to know each other in a variety of circumstances and activities. The second is Time. Van Epp claims that you really can’t know someone in less than 3 months and practically begs everyone to date longer than that. Dating for less than 3 months makes the marriage transition a lot harder because suddenly there will be a lot more surprises that may not all be pleasant. (Now for all you "BYU- I do" couples who are getting your feathers ruffled – I’m not saying it can’t work if you’ve known each other less than 3 months. I’m just saying it’s harder.) The third T is Talk. “Happy talking, talking. Happy talk. Talk about things you like to do…” If anyone remembers the musical South Pacific you know what I’m talking about. This might be the scariest T. You both have to lay yourselves out on the table – thoughts, feelings, opinions, experiences, goals, dreams, fears, weaknesses. No pressure right?
What I think it really comes down to is the saying “Marry your best friend.” If they haven’t become your best friend yet, then it’s not time yet. Good luck friends. Go fall in love :)