Upon hearing this, many people are protesting: “I was spanked and turned out just fine! What’s the big deal? Parents need to show that they are in control.” Is that really what you show when you spank? Current research shows a rapid loss of control as parents take matters ‘into their own hands.’
We take what we do from what we believe is normal or expected. For example, it used to be widely acceptable to smoke, but we have since learned of the negative side effects. Similarly, spanking used to be widely acceptable. We all have relatives who tell stories of being taken under the belt or paddle or willow switch – the old “woodshed” approach. Many people still continue this approach, not having learned that this, like smoking, is neither acceptable nor effective as a disciplining method.
A study reported in the Journal of Marriage and Family showed that as parents spank, children are actually less able to control their own behavior: “Numerous recent studies have demonstrated that parental spanking is associated with increased externalizing behavior, and children’s externalizing behavior is associated with increased parental spanking over time, suggesting transactional effects.” In other words, as parents spank, children control their behavior less and act out more. And what does that cause parents to do? Spank more. Which causes children to act out more, and then parents… You get the idea.
It is an ongoing cycle that worsens with every turn. Obviously, the idea behind spanking is to control behavior and to teach children that something they did was wrong. But psychologically, this is not what children take away from a spanking.
This is why spanking is so ineffective. The more you spank, the more you have to spank because children will act out more rather than learning the lesson you intend. According to a study done by Walsh, those spanked as children are more likely in later years to develop such problems as “physical aggression, delinquency, and depression. In addition, [spanking] may teach them it is all right to inflict pain on others.”
A study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal further explains that “those who reported being slapped or spanked "often" or "sometimes" had significantly higher lifetime rates of anxiety disorders, alcohol abuse or dependence, and one or more externalizing problems, compared with those who reported "never" being slapped or spanked.”
“Yes it’s possible, but that isn’t likely,” you’re thinking. “Those people who develop problems are the exception, not the rule.” Well then let’s look at the effectiveness of spanking from a different angle. My own dad was a child who experienced the “woodshed” technique growing up, although it stemmed more from his grandma and uncles than anyone else. What did he learn from spankings and willow switch whippings? Don’t get caught.
Spanking doesn’t help children understand why their behavior was wrong and it doesn’t make them feel bad about it. They internalize no lesson from receiving a spanking. Well, that’s not entirely true. They do learn and remember a lesson, but it’s not what you had hoped. They learn that it’s okay for adults to hit. They learn that it’s best to not get caught. They learn to fear the one who holds the paddle (or shows a hand). Are these the lessons we want children to learn?
It is an ongoing cycle that worsens with every turn. Obviously, the idea behind spanking is to control behavior and to teach children that something they did was wrong. But psychologically, this is not what children take away from a spanking.
This is why spanking is so ineffective. The more you spank, the more you have to spank because children will act out more rather than learning the lesson you intend. According to a study done by Walsh, those spanked as children are more likely in later years to develop such problems as “physical aggression, delinquency, and depression. In addition, [spanking] may teach them it is all right to inflict pain on others.”
A study in the Canadian Medical Association Journal further explains that “those who reported being slapped or spanked "often" or "sometimes" had significantly higher lifetime rates of anxiety disorders, alcohol abuse or dependence, and one or more externalizing problems, compared with those who reported "never" being slapped or spanked.”
“Yes it’s possible, but that isn’t likely,” you’re thinking. “Those people who develop problems are the exception, not the rule.” Well then let’s look at the effectiveness of spanking from a different angle. My own dad was a child who experienced the “woodshed” technique growing up, although it stemmed more from his grandma and uncles than anyone else. What did he learn from spankings and willow switch whippings? Don’t get caught.
Spanking doesn’t help children understand why their behavior was wrong and it doesn’t make them feel bad about it. They internalize no lesson from receiving a spanking. Well, that’s not entirely true. They do learn and remember a lesson, but it’s not what you had hoped. They learn that it’s okay for adults to hit. They learn that it’s best to not get caught. They learn to fear the one who holds the paddle (or shows a hand). Are these the lessons we want children to learn?
In the conclusion of their research report, Lansford et. all explain their professional position on spanking. They state that the risks of spanking – referring to mild spanking becoming harsh and the association of spanking with behavioral and mental/emotional problems – are too great. They “suggest the need to work with parents to find alternatives to spanking for managing children’s behavior.” It’s not just those seen as wimpy parents who are calling for change; it’s the experts.
So how do parents break out of this self-destructive cycle? What do parents do who use spanking as a disciplining tool? How do they get out of this downward spiral? Find alternative methods. Invest in a great parenting book like Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn or The Ten Basic Principles of Good Parenting by Laurence Steinberg. Look into a good program like Positive Discipline. Apply what you learn. Hold a family meeting to discuss rules and how you would like to do things differently – ask for your children’s suggestions and really think about them.
Most importantly, keep trying. It won’t be easy at first – habits are hard to break - but in the long run it will be more than worth it.
We teach young children over and over that hands are not for hitting. Why should adults be the exception? To quote the immortal (though out of context) words of the Georgia Satellites: “Don’t give me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself.”
For more information, look at this research:
MacMillan, H. L., Boyle, M. H., Wong, M. Y. -., Duku, E. K., & al, e. (1999). Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample. Canadian Medical Association.Journal, 161(7), 805-9. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/204820580?accountid=9817
Gromoske, A. N., & Maguire-Jack, K. (2012). Transactional and cascading relations between early spanking and children's social-emotional development. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(5), 1054-1068. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1324449914?accountid=9817
Lansford, J. E., Wager, L. B., Bates, J. E., Pettit, G. S., & Dodge, K. A. (2012). Forms of spanking and children's externalizing behaviors. Family Relations, 61(2), 224-236. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1002624200?accountid=9817
Walsh, W. (2002). Spankers and nonspankers: Where they get information on spanking. Family Relations, 51(1), 81-88. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/213934618?accountid=9817
MacMillan, H. L., Boyle, M. H., Wong, M. Y. -., Duku, E. K., & al, e. (1999). Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample. Canadian Medical Association.Journal, 161(7), 805-9. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/204820580?accountid=9817
Gromoske, A. N., & Maguire-Jack, K. (2012). Transactional and cascading relations between early spanking and children's social-emotional development. Journal of Marriage and Family, 74(5), 1054-1068. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1324449914?accountid=9817
Lansford, J. E., Wager, L. B., Bates, J. E., Pettit, G. S., & Dodge, K. A. (2012). Forms of spanking and children's externalizing behaviors. Family Relations, 61(2), 224-236. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1002624200?accountid=9817
Walsh, W. (2002). Spankers and nonspankers: Where they get information on spanking. Family Relations, 51(1), 81-88. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/213934618?accountid=9817