Be fiercely loyal one to another.
~Gordon B. Hinckley
According to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, fidelity is “the quality of being faithful to your husband or wife.” So what does it mean to be faithful? The same source defines it as “having or showing true and constant support or loyalty; steadfast in affection or allegiance; loyal.”
“Spencer W. Kimball taught that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.” We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse is the only other thing besides God who we are commanded to love with all our heart. We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto none else” (Gardner).
But how do we go about showing this? How do you show your spouse that he or she is the only one you love and that you are completely loyal?
Well, one way is to not have sex with anyone besides your spouse. But that’s obvious. We must also avoid anything “like unto it” (D&C 59:6). One of the biggest things this includes is pornography. And I’m not just talking about pictures. Pornography includes ANYTHING that pulls you away from your spouse or makes you compare your spouse to someone else. Ladies, this includes your romance novels and often even your chick flicks. If at the end of a book or movie you are thinking, “Wow I wish my man were more like that” then we have a problem.
Scott Gardener, Department Chair over Home and Family at BYU-Idaho, offered what he called “Wise Walls” for protecting marriage and showing fidelity and love. These walls are as follows:
I think when we really look at the root of love and fidelity, one of the most important things we can do to show someone that we love them is to LOVE THEM! Love isn’t just something you say – it’s something you do.
Many if not most of you have probably heard of the Five Love Languages. They are the five ways that people show love and prefer to receive love. It includes physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. To find out your love language, follow this link: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Different people speak different languages. Imagine if you spoke German and your spouse spoke Chinese. How effective would it be to sit there and try to talk to them in German? Not very. If you truly love them, you will learn Chinese and they will learn German. To show our love in the way it will be best recognized, we need to go out of our way to find out and speak each other’s love language.
Love is selfless. Be generous in offering love in a variety of ways. In marriage you have to care more about your spouse’s wants and needs and dreams than your own. This doesn’t mean that you no longer matter – but it means that you love someone enough to put them first.
In a traditional marriage ceremony you promise to stay married and love each other “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Fidelity is staying together and loving each other even under these circumstances. True love doesn’t bail out when things get hard – it just works harder. You could say that it grows old with you ;)
“Spencer W. Kimball taught that, “Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity.” We marry with the understanding that we will give ourselves completely to our spouse and that any divergence is sin. Infidelity is defined as the opposite of faithfulness. We show our faithfulness to God by loving him with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. We show fidelity to our spouse in the same ways. Indeed, our spouse is the only other thing besides God who we are commanded to love with all our heart. We are commanded to love our spouse with all our heart and cleave unto none else” (Gardner).
But how do we go about showing this? How do you show your spouse that he or she is the only one you love and that you are completely loyal?
Well, one way is to not have sex with anyone besides your spouse. But that’s obvious. We must also avoid anything “like unto it” (D&C 59:6). One of the biggest things this includes is pornography. And I’m not just talking about pictures. Pornography includes ANYTHING that pulls you away from your spouse or makes you compare your spouse to someone else. Ladies, this includes your romance novels and often even your chick flicks. If at the end of a book or movie you are thinking, “Wow I wish my man were more like that” then we have a problem.
Scott Gardener, Department Chair over Home and Family at BYU-Idaho, offered what he called “Wise Walls” for protecting marriage and showing fidelity and love. These walls are as follows:
- Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours their heart out to you.
- Don’t share the most painful things of your soul with an attractive alternative[AKA anyone besides your spouse]. This develops deep levels of intimacy.
- If a conversation makes light of marriage, respond with something positive about your own marriage.
- Discuss marital issues with your spouse. Work on the problems at home. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure they are a friend of the marriage.
- Don’t have lunch or take work breaks with same person all the time.
- When you travel with a co-worker, meet in the public rooms, not in a room with a bed.
- If an old boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be at a class reunion, make sure you bring your spouse along.
- If you value your marriage, don’t do lunch alone with an old flame.
- Don’t try to be cute or “flirty” with anyone other than your spouse.
- Do not allow your heart to dwell on anyone.
I think when we really look at the root of love and fidelity, one of the most important things we can do to show someone that we love them is to LOVE THEM! Love isn’t just something you say – it’s something you do.
Many if not most of you have probably heard of the Five Love Languages. They are the five ways that people show love and prefer to receive love. It includes physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. To find out your love language, follow this link: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Different people speak different languages. Imagine if you spoke German and your spouse spoke Chinese. How effective would it be to sit there and try to talk to them in German? Not very. If you truly love them, you will learn Chinese and they will learn German. To show our love in the way it will be best recognized, we need to go out of our way to find out and speak each other’s love language.
Love is selfless. Be generous in offering love in a variety of ways. In marriage you have to care more about your spouse’s wants and needs and dreams than your own. This doesn’t mean that you no longer matter – but it means that you love someone enough to put them first.
In a traditional marriage ceremony you promise to stay married and love each other “for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Fidelity is staying together and loving each other even under these circumstances. True love doesn’t bail out when things get hard – it just works harder. You could say that it grows old with you ;)
For more information, check out these sources:
Hinckley, G. B. (1999, February). Life’s Obligations. Ensign.
Kimball, S. W. (1962, October). Spencer W. Kimball. Conference Report, October 1962. Retrieved from http://gospelink.com
Hinckley, G. B. (1999, February). Life’s Obligations. Ensign.
Kimball, S. W. (1962, October). Spencer W. Kimball. Conference Report, October 1962. Retrieved from http://gospelink.com