Leading Expert Advice
“All of us have a basic need to be “origins” in our lives rather than “pawns,” as one researcher put it. It’s important to experience a sense of autonomy, a feeling that we are the initiators of much of what we do. In fact, the particular choices we make are often less significant than the act of choosing itself. […] When parents not only avoid the temptation to rely on control but also go out of their way to help children experience a sense of autonomy, these children are more likely to do what they’re asked and less likely to misbehave. […] The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions” (Kohn, p. 168-169).
Gospel Principle
“God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.” It is His plan and His will that we have the principal decision-making role in our own life’s drama. God will not live our lives for us nor control us as if we were His puppets, as Lucifer once proposed to do. […] God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments” (Christofferson, Free Forever to Act For Themselves).
Connecting the Dots
Agency is an eternal principle. We all have a desire and need to be in control of our own lives and to make our own choices. However we must be careful with our agency and use it wisely. This takes lots of practice; practice that should start at an early age. As much as is possible and reasonable, we should allow children the opportunity to practice making wise choices – to have some say over their own lives. A great opportunity would be to let them see and hear you working your way through a decision you need to make and involve them in suggesting solutions. As we teach our children how to make good choices and give them opportunities to do so, they will feel important and involved now and will be prepared for the future.
“All of us have a basic need to be “origins” in our lives rather than “pawns,” as one researcher put it. It’s important to experience a sense of autonomy, a feeling that we are the initiators of much of what we do. In fact, the particular choices we make are often less significant than the act of choosing itself. […] When parents not only avoid the temptation to rely on control but also go out of their way to help children experience a sense of autonomy, these children are more likely to do what they’re asked and less likely to misbehave. […] The way kids learn to make good decisions is by making decisions, not by following directions” (Kohn, p. 168-169).
Gospel Principle
“God intends that His children should act according to the moral agency He has given them, “that every man may be accountable for his own sins in the day of judgment.” It is His plan and His will that we have the principal decision-making role in our own life’s drama. God will not live our lives for us nor control us as if we were His puppets, as Lucifer once proposed to do. […] God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become. Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us. Rather He helps and guides us. Indeed, the real manifestation of God’s love is His commandments” (Christofferson, Free Forever to Act For Themselves).
Connecting the Dots
Agency is an eternal principle. We all have a desire and need to be in control of our own lives and to make our own choices. However we must be careful with our agency and use it wisely. This takes lots of practice; practice that should start at an early age. As much as is possible and reasonable, we should allow children the opportunity to practice making wise choices – to have some say over their own lives. A great opportunity would be to let them see and hear you working your way through a decision you need to make and involve them in suggesting solutions. As we teach our children how to make good choices and give them opportunities to do so, they will feel important and involved now and will be prepared for the future.