Leading Expert Advice
“We ought to keep in mind what we’re really looking for. It’s too easy to get trapped in the minutiae of everyday life, all the squabbles and frustrations that upstage the important questions. The good news is that when parents do manage to keep their broader objectives in view – indeed, when they focus on anything more ambitious than just getting their kids to obey right this instant – they tend to use better parenting skills and they get better results. At the very least, we need to keep a sense of perspective. Whether your child spills the chocolate milk today, or loses her temper, or forgets to do her homework doesn’t matter nearly as much as the things you do that either help or don’t help her to become a decent, responsible, compassionate person” (Kohn, p. 122-123).
Gospel Principle
“Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” (3 Nephi 27:27)
“The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become. We are challenged to move through a process of conversion toward that status and condition called eternal life. This is achieved not just by doing what is right, but by doing it for the right reason—for the pure love of Christ” (Oaks, The Challenge to Become).
Connecting the Dots
There is a stark difference between what we do and who we are. We want to raise children who don’t just do kind things, but who are kind people. The difference is whether the action or characteristic has made it inside – if it is a part of them. We can’t force these characteristics inside of people. This is something they must internalize for themselves.
For everything we do with our children, we should look at the long-term goals. Our ultimate goal is to be like the Savior Jesus Christ. He is all about agency. Getting frustrated with our children and demanding they do a particular thing will not help them become more like the Savior, regardless of how good the thing was that we wanted them to do. Control will never produce the results we desire (at least not long-term). Instead we must lead with love, thoughtfulness, and prayer. Focusing on who we want our children to become will help us guide them with more love and patience and with less frustration over the small things.
“We ought to keep in mind what we’re really looking for. It’s too easy to get trapped in the minutiae of everyday life, all the squabbles and frustrations that upstage the important questions. The good news is that when parents do manage to keep their broader objectives in view – indeed, when they focus on anything more ambitious than just getting their kids to obey right this instant – they tend to use better parenting skills and they get better results. At the very least, we need to keep a sense of perspective. Whether your child spills the chocolate milk today, or loses her temper, or forgets to do her homework doesn’t matter nearly as much as the things you do that either help or don’t help her to become a decent, responsible, compassionate person” (Kohn, p. 122-123).
Gospel Principle
“Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” (3 Nephi 27:27)
“The Final Judgment is not just an evaluation of a sum total of good and evil acts—what we have done. It is an acknowledgment of the final effect of our acts and thoughts—what we have become. It is not enough for anyone just to go through the motions. The commandments, ordinances, and covenants of the gospel are not a list of deposits required to be made in some heavenly account. The gospel of Jesus Christ is a plan that shows us how to become what our Heavenly Father desires us to become. We are challenged to move through a process of conversion toward that status and condition called eternal life. This is achieved not just by doing what is right, but by doing it for the right reason—for the pure love of Christ” (Oaks, The Challenge to Become).
Connecting the Dots
There is a stark difference between what we do and who we are. We want to raise children who don’t just do kind things, but who are kind people. The difference is whether the action or characteristic has made it inside – if it is a part of them. We can’t force these characteristics inside of people. This is something they must internalize for themselves.
For everything we do with our children, we should look at the long-term goals. Our ultimate goal is to be like the Savior Jesus Christ. He is all about agency. Getting frustrated with our children and demanding they do a particular thing will not help them become more like the Savior, regardless of how good the thing was that we wanted them to do. Control will never produce the results we desire (at least not long-term). Instead we must lead with love, thoughtfulness, and prayer. Focusing on who we want our children to become will help us guide them with more love and patience and with less frustration over the small things.